Step 3 - Q it Up!

"What we see depends mainly on what we look for." --John Lubbock

It’s typically hard for us to notice our blind spots until we walk into a wall! In using the Quadrants we can begin to take stock of where we spend most of our time and what areas we are strong or weak in. Q-ing it up means taking a look at our roadmap and noticing where we are so that we can begin to plan how we’re going to get where it is we’d like to be.

If we take a look at our inner territory in QI and find that we tend to be hard on ourselves and others we can begin to learn new strategies and practices to help reduce the stress caused by our nagging inner voice and the damage that we do when we turn that inner critic loose on others. We can learn to understand where this little gremlin came from and ways to create a new and different voice that is more supportive and helpful in relationships.

If we’re not taking care of ourselves and constantly under a lot of stress due to our poor lifestyle choices and/or work life and environment, we can begin to create new habits and behaviors that support our wellness and make changes in how we schedule our time so that we’re there and more available at home and in our relationships. This would involve taking a hard look at how we do ourselves in QII (behaviors) and QIV (environment).

Creating balance around the Quadrants leads to a certain synergy in which our blind spots are now open to the world and we’re engaging with others and taking care of ourselves in a way that allows for more flexibility, peace, and openness to being with and understanding others.

For families that have been in crisis for any length of time it’s fairly typical that the parents have given up some of the things that in the past have supported a healthier lifestyle and less stressful home environment. Having a young person on drugs and alcohol and making poor choices increases the stress levels in parents and decreases the likelihood that they will go for that run, go out for a dinner together, attend a yoga class or any of the ways that couples maintain their health and wellness in a way that let’s them meet the demands of a busy family life let alone one with a teenager in crisis.

Each of the Quadrants may be seen as areas for growth with specific kinds of skills that can be worked on and improved. In Quadrant I for example I might learn to be more effective dealing with my feeling by becoming familiar with the Emotional Intelligence literature. To develop more of sense of peace in my life I might take up a meditation practice (Quadrant II). In Quadrant III I can learn to be more effective in my relationships with others by learning to read body language and improving my communication skills using a program like Non Violent Communication. In Quadrant IV I can give myself more time and relaxation by reducing my connection to my Blackberry.

So, Where in the map do you tend to spend time? Do you feel effective in that domain in your life? What would you like to improve?

In Step 4 we’ll begin to learn how to catch ourselves in the act (real time) of being ineffective and see what’s going on that can give us clues as to how to be more effective in the future.