“Your imagination is life’s preview of coming attractions”
- Einstein
When we’re stuck in the middle of a difficult situation in our lives it’s often difficult to imagine how things will ever change. All we can think of is how the heck did I get here? Well, the first step to change actually begins with using our imagination. What I mean here is that we have to have a picture of how we would like things to be; some kind of meaningful goal for us to shoot for. It might seem at the time as though it’s impossible but nevertheless go ahead, dream on!
Perhaps after years of struggling with a young person who is addicted to drugs or alcohol you’ve lost your hope of ever having a healthy happy child again or a happy loving family. Everything that’s happened has stretched and stressed your family to the point where you’re happy just to get through the day without a major catastrophe let alone hugs and kisses at the end of the day.
Well, there’s hope, and HOPE begins with daring to have a picture in your head, a goal, that you can strive towards. Once you have the goal, once you can imagine a different tomorrow, you can begin to take some steps to reach your goal. It’s no different than any other goal. Set your sights, get to work, and with the help of a coach or a therapist, make a plan.
What got you to this point was a set of beliefs about how the world operates. Those beliefs led to specific behaviors that you hoped would get you the results you wanted. Unfortunately, those results, though consistent with your beliefs, may not have been the ones you intended or would have wished for. I may want to have a wonderful relationship with my son or daughter but believe that in order to have that relationship that they need to think or behave exactly like I think they should. If they do then it would indicate that they’re on the same page and understand what I want from them. If they don’t I may conversely believe that they’re obviously being difficult and trying to push my buttons. In order to get their attention and in order to ensure that they live what I believe to be appropriate productive lives, I may push, punish, and persevere in my attempts to get them to see that my way is the right way. What does that get us? Anger, distance, and probably anything but the behavior I wanted.
So, what is your goal? Use your imagination! How would you like your family to be? What feelings do you want to experience in relationship with members of your family that you're not experiencing now?
Next time we'll begin looking at how to catch ourselves in the act when we're using behaviors that don't get us what we want.
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