COMPASSION

The major block to compassion is the judgment in our minds. Judgment is the mind's primary tool of separation.
– Diane Berke

Many years ago a dear friend of mine, when he would hear me being critical of myself or others, would say “Dan, more than anything else, we’re all subject to the human frailties.” His response always stopped me in my tracks and helped to put things in perspective. Moving from judgment to compassion I found relief and peace.

Compassion is that which connects us all as human beings. We all have suffering, we all have short comings, and we all experience loss. Knowing this provides us with the opportunity to connect a a heart level with others in our lives rather than judging or being critical of the outward expression of their often less than skillful attempts to be known, seen, or loved.

This is no more true than with our children. Children, especially teens, try on many different personas in an attempt to define who they are and to become independent individuals. Beneath their often unskilled attempts are often frustration, anger, isolation, or fear. Our responses to them are very often also at an unskilled level (both theirs and ours) and can lead to more anger, frustration, and rejection. If however, we respond to the feelings below the persona that they take on, we can connect, be compassionate, and bring us closer together rather than creating distance.

Next time you’re having a difficult time with your son or daughter try two things. First, see if you can imagine the feelings that underly the personas that they are trying on. Second, connect with them with compassion rather than judgment. Let them know that you understand what they’re trying to express even if you do not agree with the manner in which they are doing it.