Our Public Domain - Our worlds from the inside out!

QII puts a very public face, no, public body out into the world. This is our public domain. Whereas QI is our internal life, what others need to ask us about if they want to know, QII represents all of our behaviors, those that everyone can see. It can be as simple as what I eat, how I exercise, how I hold myself, whether I smoke, drink, etc. or, it can be way more complicated.

This is an important piece of territory in that our behaviors can be healthy or not, be destructive or not, affect others, or not, and, changes in our behaviors can have significant impacts on our lives and those around us. Whether we smoke or drink, eat healthy or eat fast food and junk food, get lots of rest or burn the candle at both ends, we will feel the effects of our choices.

This Quad also gives some clue as to what is going on inside of us. Our bodies can give voice to our consciousness. We may walk around with slumped shoulders and tight necks signaling sadness, depression, or, tension within. We may stand up tall, smile, and put our boundless energy to work making changes in the world. However, as much as we would like to think that we can know what is going on in someone else based on their behavior, there is often a disconnect between what people show us and what they actually feel. People will smile while harboring tremendous anger inside or feeling great sadness. Others may appear sad and listless while actually feeling a sense of joy or contentment. Our bodies formed habits when we were young that continue as we move into adulthood. We may change our behaviors or our words and feelings but our bodies may still be telling an old story.

Further complicating the situation is the fact that each of us interprets the world based upon our personal experiences, assumptions, and beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. What we learned from our families and culture (QIII) and internalized within our belief systems and how we see the world (QI) will impact how we interpret what we see in others behaviors (QII). As an example, if a young person has been in treatment for alcohol and substance abuse and after coming home at times appears sad or depressed, the parent may make an assumption that the youngster is using drugs again or is at risk for using drugs. How a parent approaches the young person can have an impact on the youngsters behavior. If not approached skillfully a parent may give their child the message that they don’t trust them or having repeatedly asked them if they’re ok make them feel upset at all the attention. All too often our interpretation of what we see leads to problems in our interactions with those in our lives.

We make assumptions and take action without checking out whether or not we’re right. How often have you misinterpreted someone’s behavior and, without checking out your assumptions, ended up in an argument. How often do you interpret what someone else’s behavior means only to find that you were wrong. Our inner worlds often misinterpret someone else's outer world and then we respond with behaviors learned from our personal culture and taken as truth only to find that there are other ways of viewing the world that we never thought of.

When you make an assumption about someone’s behavior take the time to check out what inside of you led to your assumption. Having recognized that your perception may indeed by just an assumption, learn to skillfully check out if you’re right or wrong before making judgments or accusations. Communication can be difficult and messy at times but it is the only path to understanding the reality of where our reality ends and that of another begins.