Stop, Listen, No, Really Listen

"Most of us tend to suffer from “Agenda anxiety”, the feeling that what we want to say to others is more important than what we think they might want to say to us."  -- Nido Qubein

I've been thinking about just how difficult real communication can be.  It is difficult under the best of situations and even more so once we've developed expectations or mindsets about how another person will respond.  This often happens when parents and teenagers are trying to reestablish a relationship after going through a difficult or painful period. 

It's so hard to be present and to respond to what is ACTUALLY happening vs. what our history mindset tells us we will hear.  It's hard work but so worth developing the muscle that will allow you to be present and REALLY hear what someone else is saying without being filtered by beliefs and expectations.

Take the time to notice what goes on inside of you when you're communicating with others especially when the relationship has been strained for some reason.  Listen to the tone of your voice, notice tension arising in your body, and notice the tendency to want to promote your agenda vs. hearing what the other has to say. These are all cues that you've disconnected from the conversation.  Breathe, take a break, bring yourself back.  See what there is there to learn.  About you, about them!