Building Blocks Part II

Understanding comes from communication and transforms us. Listening and truly wanting to know the world from the perspective of another without judgment gives us the opportunity to “see” the world with new eyes; to literally see the world from the eyes of the person that we’re talking to. This is different than making assumptions or inferences of about what we believe someone else’s behavior means when filtered through our own personal biases. We can only know the world from the spot on which we stand and in order to know more about the world we need to be able to see and hear the perspectives of others. Letting go of our assumptions about someone else’s behavior we can broaden our perspective, and come to agreements based on shared interpretations and shared meaning. From here we can have new agreements, and learn to trust. Win-win, and win-lose solutions to problems often arise from finding a way to compromise and live with another person or group rather than creating a new and shared perspective that transforms both parties or groups. In order to be transformed we have to be able to rise above the system we are embedded in. When we are caught up in, or run by, the picture of the world that we’ve come to know, it can be difficult or impossible to see, let alone understand, the perspective of another. In order to truly understand we need to be able rise above and look back at the system we live within to truly see how it drives our behavior and inhibits our ability grow and change.

Commitment – Dealing with someone who is in crisis is a very stressful. Making changes in one life, especially difficult changes, is also hard work. In both instances it takes not only hard work but a commitment to stay the course even when things are at their worse. Without a commitment it’s difficult to carry out the actions day in and day out that will lead to real change. Real change comes from a different outlook, different attitudes, and different behaviors. It’s helpful during the most difficult times to ask which outcome we would like. Do we want our family to remain in crisis and pain or do we want a happier and more loving home. It’s easy to not do the work of change but harder to live with the outcomes that arise from that choice. Nevertheless, and with both the best intentions and the realization of what the outcomes of our choices might be, when faced with difficult struggles day in and day out it’s can be very difficult to hang in there. This is especially true when our commitment is not just to our hard work but also to the financial burden that comes with it and often times the toll that it all takes on other members of the family. Remember though that our commitments lead to actions in the form of new behaviors that can result in new and better outcomes for us and for our families.

Next time we’ll begin to take a look at the 6 steps you can learn to create the kind of change that can help a family regain health.